The Courage to Feel

With the recent loss of our dog, my mom, and my partner Neil’s mom, I have had the opportunity to experience some pretty intense feelings which can be overwhelming, uncomfortable, and unpredictable. They consume you in an instant, without warning, like when I wait in line at the grocery store, walk through my front door after a trip, or do a backbend in yoga class.

These feelings include sadness, resentment, anger, loneliness, guilt, regret and confusion, and of course are not desirable at any time. Because I never want to feel bad, I can look for all kinds of things to keep me distracted like shopping, working, email, internet “researching”, eating and drinking—basically anything that helps me avoid.

Feeling what we don’t want to feel takes courage, the willingness to acknowledge our fear, pain, and uncertainty even when it’s not comfortable or convenient. By feeling our less than desirable feelings we can then move through them, instead of spending our time and energy questioning, avoiding, or wishing them away.

The courage required to feel can be cultivated with mindfulness practices because they support you to focus on the present moment and the thoughts and sensations you are having with your uncomfortable feelings. When you give yourself the time and space to feel, (to be present right here, right now), you let the feelings in, so you can let them go.

You can let it go with a good cry, ranting and raving to your best friend, writing a letter, movement, or taking some deep slow exhales.

You may be thinking (just like me):

I don’t have time for this!

Why is this happening now?

What’s wrong with me?

By acknowledging your feelings and choosing to be with them instead of running away, you exercise your courage and gain a sense of relief when those inconvenient and uncomfortable feelings leave you almost as instantly as they arrived.